I've debated for some time about how much I care to share of myself with you, after all, as well all know, blog readers can be a fickle crowd. I decided that if there was ever a time to open up, it would be now, when I have a few days to think and respond to comments...right before a holiday that is supposed to be about thankfulness. If you're not into reading or if this many words seem intimidating or too heavy, please come back later (and no, this post does not have a religious persuasion) ...
I'd like to share a story. My story of forgiveness.
Once upon a time when I was about 16 years old I was reading some sort of relationship book that had to do with compatability and advice, a mix of self-help and psychology. I don't remember the reasons I thought this book would be a good idea, but regardless, my little 16 year old self was completely absorbed.
I remember reading and coming to a part that had to do with dating another individual that was a victim of abuse. Basically the author stated that adult survivors of childhood abuse were too difficult to love, would cause problems and headaches and might very well even eventually abuse their own children. The author was very clear in stating that if you want a happy life and a functional relationship steer clear of these types of adults. I clearly remember the emotion I felt after reading this chapter; I placed the book down, put my head in my hands and cried and cried and cried. I thought I would never be loved and worse I thought that my ability to love was stunted and ruined and that I would forever be a victim.
After a few days of what felt like unspeakable despair, I made a decision that would forever change my life.
I decided to throw the book away. I decided that I wasn't going to allow yet another person to decide who I was going to be. I decided that I would NOT allow my past, my pain and suffering to define me. I decided to forgive.
Here's the tricky thing about forgiveness that most of us don't realize. Forgiveness isn't a fuzzy feeling. It doesn't make what happened go away, it doesn't necessarily ease the pain and it doesn't make the person, the abuser change their mind. It does, however, free you from the ties that bind two people- the abuser and the victim. It does release you to become anyone you want to be. Forgiveness is the MOST powerful lesson we as individuals can learn. Forgiveness is a choice and it must be chosen everyday.
It's taken me years of thinking about forgiveness, examining it, churning it over, chewing it up, spitting it out, and rethinking it over and over again. I know I don't have it figured out and as it's a concept I wrestle with everyday, each time an unkind word is spoken to me, every time I feel disappointed or when memories start creeping up again. The point is, though, that forgiveness is something I carry with me, it's a balm I continue to put on old wounds and scars, it's the medicine I take when I feel like I can't take IT anymore.
I've looked at others that lived similar childhoods to myself, many have become drug addicts, many commit suicide, some go on to lead lives of depression and anger, some become abusers.
Often, the cycle of pain and bitterness is continued. I've had many people ask me how it is that I smile and love and have moved forward as a whole individual. One word: forgiveness.
So whether you've been beaten, raped, told you were ugly and would never amount to anything, or even if you were never told that you were loved, please know that you CAN be different. You can continue the cycle of hatred and apathy, the cycle of pain and grief or you can CHOOSE another way. You can choose to be different. You can choose love and peace and kind words and you can choose forgiveness.
So, I'm curious, how has forgiveness affected your life? Please feel free to leave an anonymous comment...comment moderation has been enabled.
